Hookers or Cake

Just a friendly reminder that war, pestilence, and world hunger...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 00:48:00 -0500

Just a friendly reminder that war, pestilence, and world hunger will be postponed over the next several days while CNN tries to wring every last nickel out of a dead pop star.

Remember when Michael Jackson’s death put an end to the bloody uprising in Iran?

kilgoretroutstories: Untitled - by Kilgore Trout It was about a...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 00:15:31 -0500

kilgoretroutstories:

Untitled - by Kilgore Trout

It was about a planet where the language kept turning into pure music, because the creatures there were so enchanted by sounds. Words became musical notes. Sentences became melodies. They were useless as conveyors of information, because nobody knew or cared what the meanings of words were anymore.
So leaders in government and commerce, in order to function, had to invent new and much uglier vocabularies and sentence structures all the time, which would resist being transmuted to music.

Working on a new one.

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 18:20:00 -0500

Working on a new one.

It was late summer and I was looking at the night sky. The...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 22:28:00 -0500

It was late summer and I was looking at the night sky. The brightest star in the sky seemed to be changing in color, from white to red. As I watched a dog began to form around it, the twinkling star was its eye. The dog then turned and looked right at me. I instinctively stepped backwards but stumbled and fell. The dog grew larger and leapt towards me. I cowered, bracing myself for the attack, but nothing happened.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I no longer saw the dog but I could sense something in front of me. It had a presence. “Who are you,” I whispered. The presence thinned a bit and I could see into it. It was a massive moving energetic pattern that spread out as far as I could see. Spirals of energy that formed patterns, then chaos, and then patterns again. When I stepped forward to touch it, it wrapped itself around me, and I became the human you see here in this jail cell.

Not many people know that movie action star Charles Bronson...

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:10:00 -0500

Not many people know that movie action star Charles Bronson always slept with a teddy bear. When asked about it on Good Morning America, Mr. Bronson replied, “I like to skull fuck teddy bears, you got a problem with that?”

Draw David Lynch’s hair.

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:50:00 -0500

Draw David Lynch’s hair.

1986 - Siskel and Ebert disagree on David Lynch’s, Blue...

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:56:08 -0500

1986 - Siskel and Ebert disagree on David Lynch’s, Blue Velvet

I had the dream again last night. I’m at a party. I walk...

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 01:17:00 -0500

I had the dream again last night. I’m at a party. I walk out of the bathroom, go into the kitchen for another beer, and the Devil is trying to talk Jesus into smashing a whole watermelon on the floor. There is a little baby sitting on the counter and the Devil is saying, “Look at this little baby, do you know how happy this baby would be if you just smashed this whole watermelon right on the floor?!” And you could see that Jesus was seriously considering it. And I’m like, “Jesus, what the fuck are you thinking? The Devil has offered you riches and to make you the ruler of the world and your just gonna smash a watermelon on the floor to make a baby laugh?” And Jesus looks at me dead serious and says “What, You don’t think it would be funny?”

Holy clouds of kitten breath, the Codex Seraphinianus is...

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 22:12:00 -0500

Holy clouds of kitten breath, the Codex Seraphinianus

is downloadable in PDF form

ANTIQUES ROADSHOW MARATHON BITCHES!!!

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 20:26:40 -0500

ANTIQUES ROADSHOW MARATHON BITCHES!!!

Giant Iron Bird Turds As the boy robot sat on the back porch...

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:26:00 -0500

Giant Iron Bird Turds

As the boy robot sat on the back porch next to his new friend, he saw strange giant iron birds flying in the distance. The birds seemed to be pooping on the city below and their poop turned into giant explosions of fire on all the buildings and cars. This made the robot boy anxious because he could see people screaming and dying. Perhaps a giant iron toad would come along and catch all of the bird shit and belch out nothing but smoke and the people would be ok. The boy watched, but the toad never came.

Maybe if everyone had left the hippies alone they would’ve grown into giant furry fringed beasts who ate fire and explosions. Ahh, but the hippies never grew up or truly understood love. They all seemed to think love was just some wonderfully squeezable, diggable, all time groovy thing. They didn’t know love was also a giant, devouring bitch. Of course any flower could have told them that, but they never stuck around long enough for the rotting part. So, the city burned and the boy robot helplessly watched.

I’ve figured out the novel or graphic novel that I want...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 22:21:00 -0500

I’ve figured out the novel or graphic novel that I want to pursue. Its exciting. I can see the overall intertwining stories but so much will turn up in the actual creating of it. Its like a wonderful surprise, a infinite mystery revealing itself in the most intimate of ways. A cosmic striptease, if you will.

Of course it may also frustrate me and beat the hell out of me, but whattya gonna do. Thats life. but, just like the big reveal in a strip tease there is so much more to it than meets the eye. Sure the dicks in the seats and maybe even the dancers think its all just some sort of fucking transaction, but truly, the splendid vagina in not only fabulous for fucking… it also signifies birth and death in its totality. We all emerge from one and in the end when we die, they tear a gash in the ground and throw you back into the mother earth and cover ya up so she can suck whatever little bit of energy is left in you. The womb is a tomb is a womb and quite fabulous for fucking.

The whole terrible wonderful enchilada is served up with a side of boredom sprinkled with delight and thankfully the margaritas are still two for one.

So begins the fun.

Goodnight sweet prince.

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 10:54:00 -0500

Goodnight sweet prince.

I was drunk because I’d broken a tooth and didn’t...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:33:00 -0500

I was drunk because I’d broken a tooth and didn’t go to the dentist.

Its a crippling pain that shoots from my ringing ears, through my face, and throbs into the base of my neck. I finally broke down and had a pain killer. That didn’t do much so I poured a couple of whiskeys on top. Ahhhh, the warm relief of a manageable dull pain.

I was listening to an old CD of The Frogs that Jesse had given me. How can I explain The Frogs if you haven’t heard em? Well, imagine some of your weirder, drunken friends got especially high and recorded a made up album from the point of view of a drunk old pedophile serial killer. Its horribly offensive, absurd, and pretty funny.

So I was loaded, listening to The Frogs, and laughing. But then I would see and hear my best friend Jesse, who died last year, laughing and then I would start crying. Of course The Frogs were still playing and I’d realize that I was sobbing while some song about goat fucking was playing. Then I’d laugh even harder about the absurdity of it all; the laughing and crying, the mysterious beauty of everything. Death and humor all mixed up with the people that you love. The people that you love, disappearing forever.

My wife walked in on me and I laughed and cried a bit more in my explanation. I told her how all my thoughts and emotions were colliding… the entire spectrum of emotion happening all at once. She smiled knowingly.

“Thats exactly what its like being a women,” she said. And I laughed…

“24 hours a day,” she cried.

The Trouble With Chester I’m working on a spec script for...

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 01:28:00 -0500

The Trouble With Chester

I’m working on a spec script for a cartoon show about a dead raccoon named Chester. Chester lies dead on the back porch of a model home in an abandoned gated community. The model home is fully furnished with a thoroughly modern kitchen. There is a small child robot floor sweeper that befriends Chester and together the learn all sorts of life lessons. Most of the lessons center around the finality of death and the roaring void because Chester doesn’t say or do anything, as he is dead and rotting.

Though there will be some fun song and dance numbers done by the maggots living in Chester’s body. And heart touching songs that the robot child sings into the void.

Photo

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 22:47:00 -0500

St. Meat - The ghost of the dead horse that haunts me.

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:17:00 -0500

St. Meat - The ghost of the dead horse that haunts me.

The #2 Nominate Awards! Celebrating the people who nominate the...

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 12:58:00 -0500

The #2 Nominate Awards! Celebrating the people who nominate the people.

Darcy! - This tenacious young lady got her friend Adams blog nominated for an award even though Adam only occasionally posts cryptic notes about his roommate and cat pictures. Darcy thought Adam was a little down after his latest break up and that being nominated could totally turn things around for her BFF.

Frank - got Sloan’s blog nominated for a prestigious award even though her blog is exactly the same as 3.2 million other 20 yr old girls. The occasional racy GPOY, fashion posts, and sometimes a late nite bitch session about her bf Tyler (who Frank hates) Even though Sloan has blocked Frank, age 38, Frank will make her famous and win her affection and no longer be relegated to creepy anonymous asks.

Joseph - Joseph isn’t a real person but an alias for Mike, an aspiring writer. Joseph was able to nominate Mike, IE. himself, without seeming like a total crazed needy narcissist. Luckily for Mike/Joesph is that he’s young, sorta good looking, and all the young girls love his smoldering over-serious writer persona. He can’t write for shit, but luckily no one reads writing on the internet.

Sloan - She used to sell her boyfriends demo tapes in front of the VFW at all age shows. (and everywhere else) She is now on the internet and sells crafts on Etsy. She helped her latest boyfriend, Tyler, get into an internet indie film festival and nominated for best foreign whispercore vignette.

Any other nominations?

Photo

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 09:54:37 -0500

maybe I’ll do some daily doodles

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 02:19:12 -0500

maybe I’ll do some daily doodles