Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly

How do.

There is a forest behind my house and it tells me stories. I just do my best to translate.

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  • Short Stories
  • Shitty Poetry
  • Illustration
  • The best of Hookers or Cake
  • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

    ------------------------------------ There was an old picture of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

    ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

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    -------------------------------------- more fun categories

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  • Inspiration
  • TGIF
  • drugs
  • NSFW
  • religion
  • music
  • vids
  • art
  • ----------------------------------------- some tumblr friends

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  • Rrrick
  • Fuzzy Dave
  • Wonder Tonic
  • ----------------------------------------- some writing

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  • Josh Luft
  • I'm a Veronica
  • Fireland
  • Early Onset of Night
  • ----------------------------------------

    pictures

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  • Mr. King was here
  • Aloha Friday
  • ---------------------------------------- Follow HookersOrCake on Twitter
    • February 12, 2012 12:15 am
      kilgoretroutstories:

Untitled - by Kilgore Trout
It was about a planet where the language kept turning into pure music, because the creatures there were so enchanted by sounds. Words became musical notes. Sentences became melodies. They were useless as conveyors of information, because nobody knew or cared what the meanings of words were anymore.So leaders in government and commerce, in order to function, had to invent new and much uglier vocabularies and sentence structures all the time, which would resist being transmuted to music.
View high resolution

      kilgoretroutstories:

      Untitled - by Kilgore Trout

      It was about a planet where the language kept turning into pure music, because the creatures there were so enchanted by sounds. Words became musical notes. Sentences became melodies. They were useless as conveyors of information, because nobody knew or cared what the meanings of words were anymore.
      So leaders in government and commerce, in order to function, had to invent new and much uglier vocabularies and sentence structures all the time, which would resist being transmuted to music.

    • January 29, 2012 4:18 pm
      kilgoretroutstories:

Money Tree - by Kilgore Trout
Trout, incidentally, had written a book about a money tree. It had twenty-dollar bills for leaves. Its flowers were government bonds. Its fruit was diamonds. It attracted human beings who killed each other around the roots and made very good fertilizer.So it goes.

I just wanted to gather all the Kilgore Trout books/stories that Kurt Vonnegut wrote, in one place. Might be kinda fun to make fake book covers too. View high resolution

      kilgoretroutstories:

      Money Tree - by Kilgore Trout

      Trout, incidentally, had written a book about a money tree. It had twenty-dollar bills for leaves. Its flowers were government bonds. Its fruit was diamonds. It attracted human beings who killed each other around the roots and made very good fertilizer.
      So it goes.

      I just wanted to gather all the Kilgore Trout books/stories that Kurt Vonnegut wrote, in one place. Might be kinda fun to make fake book covers too.

    • January 27, 2012 12:22 pm
      The Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library in Indianapolis just contacted me!

      The Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library in Indianapolis just contacted me!

    • January 11, 2012 11:15 pm
      *****ATTENTION!!!******WHORING AND SELF PROMOTION ***** DEAD AHEAD! *****DANGER!***** LOOK OUT! *****
The new black t-shirts are so black that they are the absence of light and the full spectrum of color. They are the Aplha and Omega. The ying and the yang. A banana daquari and a great white shark. They cost $18 shipped to your door. If you want to ad a signed book and set (12) of single author postcards that’ll set ya back $23 american. I gotsa pay/pal button on my blog.
Canada & International ad $7 because, unlike myself, the post don’t run on butterfly kisses and mescaline.
Thank you for your time and support. View high resolution

      *****ATTENTION!!!******WHORING AND SELF PROMOTION ***** DEAD AHEAD! *****DANGER!***** LOOK OUT! *****

      The new black t-shirts are so black that they are the absence of light and the full spectrum of color. They are the Aplha and Omega. The ying and the yang. A banana daquari and a great white shark. They cost $18 shipped to your door. If you want to ad a signed book and set (12) of single author postcards that’ll set ya back $23 american. I gotsa pay/pal button on my blog.

      Canada & International ad $7 because, unlike myself, the post don’t run on butterfly kisses and mescaline.

      Thank you for your time and support.

    • November 29, 2011 10:25 pm
      I couldn’t decide which T-shirt I wanted to print so I’m gonna do all four on one. The Four Kings of Literature! If you want one of these in time for the holidays they’re on a heavyweight preshrunk ring-spun white cotton T. For $20 total, I’ll even throw in a signed book and a dozen postcards featuring the individual author pics.
Free shipping and plastic vampire teeth for tumblr friends. Check out my blog if you want a set. I have a paypal button and article with more details Message me if you still have questions.
Warm regards & pudding - Jade Bos VP of Lewd Pony Industries View high resolution

      I couldn’t decide which T-shirt I wanted to print so I’m gonna do all four on one. The Four Kings of Literature! If you want one of these in time for the holidays they’re on a heavyweight preshrunk ring-spun white cotton T. For $20 total, I’ll even throw in a signed book and a dozen postcards featuring the individual author pics.

      Free shipping and plastic vampire teeth for tumblr friends. Check out my blog if you want a set. I have a paypal button and article with more details Message me if you still have questions.

      Warm regards & pudding - Jade Bos VP of Lewd Pony Industries

    • October 1, 2011 11:22 pm
      Once artists realized they could just rape the audience, it was all over. Jackson Pollock shot his wad on the face of the nation and that was that.
Writing on the other hand, still relied on the ancient art of seduction. The reader deciding to let the the author in or not and if so, how deeply. Its amazing when you think of it, how many intimate lovers Whitman, Rilke, and Rimbaud had over the years. Even the awkward, trembling Poe was simple, yet charming enough to terrorize everyone from skid row to royalty. Terrorized’em right down to the marrow. Seduction, pure and simple.
When I was younger I tried to write. I might as well stood on street corner and howled about injustice and love like some half-assed preacher. A few kind and kindred souls left change and politely took leaflets, but most everyone scurried away. Then one day, a shuffling old man with a mustache put his arm around me and smiled. He escorted me into a bar. We had a shot and a beer, he began telling sly jokes to the indifferent butcher pouring drinks. Within 10 minutes, the old man had the entire place gathered round him, laughing. All while he held a blood covered knife in plain site! Not one of them even noticed when he slipped it in. Or if they did, they didn’t mind. Laughing until they cried and vice-versa.
Later the old bastard taught me a few things about art too. “There’re always new killers, in every art form.” he’d smile. “They bleed out your bullshit and call on something deeper.” 
Of course there are plenty of con artist entertainers with nothing to say. We went to see one down at the big theater, it was a packed house. Everyone laughed and had a nice time. But the audience seemed tired and listless as they spilled out into the streets. “Why didn’t he slip them the dagger?” I asked the old man. “The fella didn’t have one,” he replied. “Well then whats the fucking point?!” I howled. “Oh,” he smirked, “people will still pay good money for a good hand job.” 

      Once artists realized they could just rape the audience, it was all over. Jackson Pollock shot his wad on the face of the nation and that was that.

      Writing on the other hand, still relied on the ancient art of seduction. The reader deciding to let the the author in or not and if so, how deeply. Its amazing when you think of it, how many intimate lovers Whitman, Rilke, and Rimbaud had over the years. Even the awkward, trembling Poe was simple, yet charming enough to terrorize everyone from skid row to royalty. Terrorized’em right down to the marrow. Seduction, pure and simple.

      When I was younger I tried to write. I might as well stood on street corner and howled about injustice and love like some half-assed preacher. A few kind and kindred souls left change and politely took leaflets, but most everyone scurried away. Then one day, a shuffling old man with a mustache put his arm around me and smiled. He escorted me into a bar. We had a shot and a beer, he began telling sly jokes to the indifferent butcher pouring drinks. Within 10 minutes, the old man had the entire place gathered round him, laughing. All while he held a blood covered knife in plain site! Not one of them even noticed when he slipped it in. Or if they did, they didn’t mind. Laughing until they cried and vice-versa.

      Later the old bastard taught me a few things about art too. “There’re always new killers, in every art form.” he’d smile. “They bleed out your bullshit and call on something deeper.” 

      Of course there are plenty of con artist entertainers with nothing to say. We went to see one down at the big theater, it was a packed house. Everyone laughed and had a nice time. But the audience seemed tired and listless as they spilled out into the streets. “Why didn’t he slip them the dagger?” I asked the old man. “The fella didn’t have one,” he replied. “Well then whats the fucking point?!” I howled. “Oh,” he smirked, “people will still pay good money for a good hand job.” 

    • April 30, 2011 2:58 pm
      “Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—
    God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
    - Kurt Vonnegut (The 23rd Patriarch of Moustache) View high resolution

      “Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—

          God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

          - Kurt Vonnegut (The 23rd Patriarch of Moustache)