How do.
There is a forest behind my house and it tells me stories. I just do my best to translate.
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------------------------------------ There was an old picture of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.
----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.
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Pretty cool. Though I am having second thoughts on my 1 star review promotion, that was where I encouraged people to give me a 1 star reviews on Amazon. It did get me 250,000 page views on stumbleupon and got me on Ellen.com which in turn paid for my airplane glue habit… so, que sera sera.
Now I’m giving it away until Thursday at midnight.
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*****ATTENTION!!!******WHORING AND SELF PROMOTION ***** DEAD AHEAD! *****DANGER!***** LOOK OUT! *****
The new black t-shirts are so black that they are the absence of light and the full spectrum of color. They are the Aplha and Omega. The ying and the yang. A banana daquari and a great white shark. They cost $18 shipped to your door. If you want to ad a signed book and set (12) of single author postcards that’ll set ya back $23 american. I gotsa pay/pal button on my blog.
Canada & International ad $7 because, unlike myself, the post don’t run on butterfly kisses and mescaline.
Thank you for your time and support.
The back cover of Hookers or Cake II is full of awesome humans who were kind enough to give some blurbs. Give em a follow on tumblr.
Mike Lacher AKA Wonder-Tonic creator of memes and the book On The Bro’d, a word for word translation of Jack Kerouac’s classic, On The Road into Bro speak. Due out this spring in book format.
Maura Johnston - NYC Village Voice Music Editor, NYU teacher, blogging pioneer, and unfortunately a Mets fan.
Peter Feld - Is the editor and chief of The NY Observer, Scooter magazine, and done a bunch of really cool stuff. Seriously go to his Linkedin page if you want to feel like the lazy slacker you are.
Melissa Gira Grant - Inspired me and pretty much everyone else with her and Meagan O’Connell’s book, Coming and Crying. Melissa recently did another awesome project Take This Book, about the peoples library at Occupy Wall-Street.
Ned Hepburn - Everybody knows Ned…
Michael Kindt - Mike has a knack for creating giant internet scandals and writes politics for the Cagle Post. He also has a fine book of poetry, The Early Onset of Night
And thanks again to my editor, the hilarious Josh Allen aka Fireland
Of course the book itself is for sale on Amazon for only 8.95
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Hey wonderful humans! My new book goes on sale on Amazon in a few minutes.
Amazon says that it won’t ship for 2 - 4 weeks but this is a lie. It actually drop ships within 24hrs from one of 12 locations across the country and is even available in the UK and Australia! Of course you can always get free shipping if your order is $25 and it totally qualifies for their 4 books for the price of 3 thingy.
I worked all year on this little bitch! Its filled with 30+ illustrations for the kids! 116 pages and looks, feels, and smells just like a real book. Ands its only $8.95 and £5 in the UK.
If you received an advance copy you can always give it a scandalous review.
Ok, enough whoring… Happy New Year!
I opened my mail to find Hookers or Cake Vol. II and all of these goodies (although my favorite may be the vampire teeth sealed with a My Pretty Pony sticker—Jade, you’re a sick fuck).
If you aren’t reading Jade Bos, you’re a total loser. Seriously, check it out here and by as many copies as you can. These books are awesome for completely freaking out your friends and family.
Ahhh thanks Scott! I’ve just received your book, Trash and Vaudeville, from Amazon! And I can’t wait to read it to all the neighborhood kids! I’m sure it will be quite an education.
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Oh hey tumblrs and or despot criminals. My lastest volume of Hookers or Cake will only be available for preorder for another 69 hours. So if you would like a copy and all the goodies that come with it, well then just saunter yer sweet lil patoot on over to kickstarter.com
For as little as $10 you can have a shiny, fully illustrated, perfect bound book that I wrote. And friends… if you act right now and I’ll ship it to ya for free! Thats right, free.
But wait there’s more! Not only do you get the book and the fruits of the United States post services labor, but you will also receive, One free set of plastic vampire teeth! Just like the kind you see in the movies and on TV!
So you get it all! One shiny new book replete with pictures and stories delivered to the address of your choice. One set of plastic vampire teeth, but if you act right now I’ll even throw in some postcards of some dirty pictures I drew. Hell, I might even slip in some coupons to that roadside meat carnival just south of town. It probably depends how much ether I can handle before I pass out.
OK good. Go and buy! The book is good - I wrote it, drew pictures, and had Josh Allen edit the sumabitch for ya. Then my sweet, wonderful wife laid all them words out on her magic computer. Then we set it all off to Tennessee where the good folks at Ingram turn it into a real purdy professional quality book.
Technology is AMAZING!
So $10 for the autographed book, vampire teeth, assorted post cards, and all shipping is included.
Thanks and love - Jade Bos - VP of Lewd Pony Press
My book, Hookers or Cake sold 50-100 copies on Amazon over the weekend. After selling 3 whole copies over the last couple of months this is a strange and exciting development.
I have no idea how or why. It must have gotten mentioned somewhere by someone. Or perhaps my horribly ill conceived 1 STAR review promotion finally paid off?
In other news, did anyone know that if you take your dog along to that cute little beach side hotel for a nice little anniversary weekend with your wife, that your dog will drink sea water and get explosive diarrhea? Well its true.
On the way to our hotel we stopped at a dog beach and let our 2 yr old lab, Lulu play around in the surf. After 30 minutes we dried her off and threw her in the back seat and headed for the hotel. Right as I got the car up to speed our cute little Lulu started having explosive diarrhea and she didn’t know what was happening, as she’d never had explosive diarrhea before, so in her attempt to turn around and get a good look at just what was going on with her back side she ended up turning around and around in fast circles becoming a kind of explosive shit sprinkler. This then made my wife projectile vomit all over the windshield and caused me to retch so violently that I lurched our car right into the path of a semi truck. We exploded on impact.
The shit, vomit, blood, flesh, and fire filled car then hurtled through an Arby’s restaurant, creating for a brief instant a sandwich which was mind boggling.
In fact God was so taken with the sandwich that he’ll be offering it for the rest of the summer. This is a limited time offer so act now! And might I suggest it with the horsey sauce. (Those poor horses…)
-Jade
P.S. Anyone know why or how my book is suddenly selling so well, 11 months after it came out?
I seem to be explaining myself a lot lately so sure why not?
I like to use the passing celebrity culture in my writing to act as a kind of reference point because we all know it. It transcends cultures or I assume it does if your on the internet. Sure I could use the Mulamadhyamakakarika-ding-dong or some fancy reference but I’ve found that in using absurdity and pop references, people are more susceptible to the larger unconscious idea. In other-words my writing may not initially be understand but like a recipe it hopefully informs ones unconsciousness or dreams (ingredients) to make delicious snacks in the fire of waking consciousness.
Besides Katy Perry has a nice rack and a lot of people hate her. She exists in our shared psyche as a symbol. Not a concrete symbol but one open to many interpretations both of ugliness and of beauty. I like to have fun with this state. So I use her as a vehicle to point to that which is beyond symbols. An unknown known pointing towards the ultimate unknown. If its successful the vehicle itself becomes unstable through teasing out its inherent contradictory nature. And if it works, transparency and the void is thusly seen.
This Katy Perry piece didn’t really work for me btw - but hey ya can’t be afraid to fail… and who knows perhaps later it’ll turn into delicious cookies for someone.
In short I’m trying use pop culture and absurd humor to transcend rational thought and point to a deeper reality that cannot be spoken of. Of course I’m not conscious of this when I write it all out, its just a byproduct from meditating for 12 years on old Family Circus cartoons.
The simplest explanation for my writing is… I’m making cookies for god.
And by god I mean the eternal, blameless, devouring whore that is the entirety of all consciousness. And even if you dont’ care about all of that… hey free cookies.
I hope that clears things up! =)
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Hey Cats & Jammers, my newest book project is live and available on kickstarter.com
What is kickstarter? Ohh my friends, its just the most awesome and wonderful way to produce crazy AND unique art. You pledge some $$$ to a specific artist for a project, they make and produce that art project and then you get the art.
Some of you may be familiar with the little Choose Your Own Mustache Adventure that I did online.
Well I thought it would be fun to turn that into a full length book. I also wanted to collaborate on a book with some friends… so I combined the two ideas and have come up with Choose Your Own Author. The book will be quite similar in style to the Choose Your Own Adventure books from when we were kids, only this book will be for adults and authored by many wonderfully creative and insane people. I also have various artists contributing different illustrations as well.
Some of the authors so far are Josh Luft, Philip T. Hunter, Aurora Adams, Nathan T. Dean, Jade Bos, Fake H. S. Thompson and a couple of the old Viking Youth Power hour podcast guys. It’ll be fun, wild and mind blowingly delicious.
(p.s. my 1,000 post!)
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The proofs have been proofed and now the big machines whirl and spin.
These early copies will all come signed and with a original 4x6 ink drawing.
Click the pic to make larger and follow Lewd Pony Press on tumblr for more updates and sneak previews, giveaways, contests, and hastily built sex toys.
Check out our PayPal link to purchase Thanks!
