Hookers or Cake

Where the self-obsessed get serious about silly
I'm too wacky to be hip.

--------------------------------

  • Short Stories
  • Shitty Poetry
  • Illustration
  • My Video's
  • The best of Hookers or Cake
  • ------------------------------------- How this blog got its name

    ------------------------------------ There was a large painting of Evel Knievel shaking hands with Richard Nixon. It hung in the Mayors office. Late one evening after everyone went home. I took it down to the lab. I zoomed in on Evel’s left eye a 100x and enhanced it. It was an address. I went to the address. It was a modest, 1970’s style, split level ranch home in the suburbs.

    ----------------------------------- Inside I found a dead parrot lying on a waterbed. I revived the parrot with some saltines and adrenaline. We became good friends. The parrots name was Randy. One night a few years later while Randy and me played Gin Rummy, he sang me a song about a fire. The title of this blog was never mentioned but I sensed it, and Randy confirmed it by giving me ‘THE LOOK’.

    -----------------------------------

    -------------------------------------- more fun categories

    --------------------------------------

  • Inspiration
  • TGIF
  • drugs
  • NSFW
  • religion
  • music
  • vids
  • art
  • ----------------------------------------- some tumblr friends

    -----------------------------------------

  • Rrrick
  • Fuzzy Dave
  • Wonder Tonic
  • ----------------------------------------- some writing

    -----------------------------------------

  • Josh Luft
  • I'm a Veronica
  • Fireland
  • Early Onset of Night
  • ----------------------------------------

    pictures

    ----------------------------------------

  • Mr. King was here
  • Aloha Friday
  • ---------------------------------------- Follow HookersOrCake on Twitter
    • January 18, 2011 10:11 pm
      If you’re afraid or anxious - don’t worry. I just got back from a 3 day retreat where I became the immortal eye of God… so trust me when I say “Shit is gonna be alright!”
The cosmic emperor has been clipping coupons and socking it away for like 12,000 billion years. Can you imagine the compounding interest! This dude bought stock in the big bang when it was just a primeval atom.  We are all gonna be sooo rich.
But really I did take all of this shit (spirituality) VERY seriously. I looked into it very deeply and it roared inside of me and ate my heart. All I can say is that you are consciousness experiencing itself in the myriad of ways and plays of waves. You don’t die. You were never born. Your true nature is freedom. But even better. Think freedom with a fabulous set of tits.
Honor this moment, not because its some chill, present shit to say but honor this moment because when you see into its essence - I mean really see into it.  And then once you see into the nature of this ever present moment you’ll be able to sell and once you able to sell? Well then the world is your fucking oyster!
Ya see, God and the Devil are just great salesmen. Ghandi? That dude fucking sold! Ghandi made living like a dirt poor beggar look awesome. He sold that shit like he could never not own it. He sold it like he was giving you a free gift of eternal peace and a self winding watch. He sold people peace and they slaughtered him just like Jesus. Now that Ladies and Gentlemen is selling.
“Love one another!” and then get slaughtered. I can’t think of a harder sell. But Christ did it. And he did it effortlessly. Millions sold!
  So how about you my friends? Can you sell? View high resolution

      If you’re afraid or anxious - don’t worry. I just got back from a 3 day retreat where I became the immortal eye of God… so trust me when I say “Shit is gonna be alright!”

      The cosmic emperor has been clipping coupons and socking it away for like 12,000 billion years. Can you imagine the compounding interest! This dude bought stock in the big bang when it was just a primeval atom.  We are all gonna be sooo rich.

      But really I did take all of this shit (spirituality) VERY seriously. I looked into it very deeply and it roared inside of me and ate my heart. All I can say is that you are consciousness experiencing itself in the myriad of ways and plays of waves. You don’t die. You were never born. Your true nature is freedom. But even better. Think freedom with a fabulous set of tits.

      Honor this moment, not because its some chill, present shit to say but honor this moment because when you see into its essence - I mean really see into it.  And then once you see into the nature of this ever present moment you’ll be able to sell and once you able to sell? Well then the world is your fucking oyster!

      Ya see, God and the Devil are just great salesmen. Ghandi? That dude fucking sold! Ghandi made living like a dirt poor beggar look awesome. He sold that shit like he could never not own it. He sold it like he was giving you a free gift of eternal peace and a self winding watch. He sold people peace and they slaughtered him just like Jesus. Now that Ladies and Gentlemen is selling.

      “Love one another!” and then get slaughtered. I can’t think of a harder sell. But Christ did it. And he did it effortlessly. Millions sold!

        So how about you my friends? Can you sell?

      1. directionlessfeeling reblogged this from hookersorcake
      2. alliecoy answered: It’s like you knew to write this just for me. Thanks for brightening my night up.
      3. ohblogdi-ohblogda answered: every day i’m hustlin’
      4. marimbeast answered: Damn straight I can. I sold the universe the concept of matter. Fuck yeah.
      5. rrrick answered: When you put it like that, yes, I can sell.
      6. martialman202 answered: holy shit this is amazing but also relevant to my interests
      7. mccabesaidwhat reblogged this from hookersorcake
      8. onatural answered: o_O
      9. 1takejake answered: How does L Ron Hubbard fit in Sales staff?
      10. oldtimereligion answered: Oh I don’t know, but freedom tits? I’m sold.
      11. fuckyeahtumblrsilove reblogged this from hookersorcake
      12. pomegranatesoda answered: I couldn’t even sell girl scout cookies.
      13. hookersorcake posted this